Thursday, August 14, 2008

D-175: Reader Appreciation - I'll Give You A Topic

Wow! It is pandemonium on the message boards! Sorry for the media blackout, but I have been working on another project, and it is sapping all of my creative energy.

I am drafting another full length “feature” story, but I haven’t had the time to write it properly, so I refuse to rush it out. Besides, it is clear that you all enjoy posting nonsensical garbage on the message boards more than you really enjoy my writing, so I am going to give you some fodder to post about for the next 24 hours, until I can have something properly prepared.

The following is a list of places I have peed since my introduction to irresponsible drinking:

1. On the back deck of an abandoned house to put out a fire that I may have been partly responsible for (1997)

2. In Ivan the Lumberjack’s closet (1998)

3. In my own closet (1999)

4. Out the door of a moving “short” bus (2000)

5. In a bush on the front lawn of a frat house – ticketed by State College Police. When I asked my Dad for the money to pay the $100 fine, he replied: “well I’ve done it enough times, I suppose we were due.” (2000)

6. Almost in the oven of a stranger’s house – redirected to the bathroom by Jewish friend (2001)

7. In my bed (1980-1988), In "our" bed (2002)

8. Off the side of the bridge to the beach in Pensacola; in front bumper-to-bumper traffic (2003)

9. On a puppy (2007)

10. In bottles in my room (2008, on-going)


P.S. Seriously Pride - fix this issue with the text. It is aggravating the shit out of me. I don't care how many shirtless dudes you put in the banner - just make the god damn thing readable.

Quote of the Day:

MAJ X: “I’m telling you; you have sex with a Brazilian, you’ll be pulling the bed sheets out of your ass the next day!”

Everyone Else: (silence)


Anonymous said...

Bosk loves hippies

Anonymous said...

Bosk - are you going to be in the new 90210? You know, since you are going to live out there with the dumpstergirl.

Anonymous said...

dumpster muffin. i forget a lot

Anonymous said...

Berkely certainly does suck. Berkeley, on the other hand, is paradise.

No, I will not be in the new 90210. Are you talking about a new 90210 show? That's southern Californey Way. I don't get it. There aren't hippies in 90210. What do you mean exactly?

Also, KILLSLF! Also, please give me the address of your wife's family out here. There are certain women and young boys I need to introduce myself to.

Anonymous said...

Forwarded message from

Hey AUG!

Whaddya mean a "full length 'feature'"????

I love you.



MatthewGuba said...

The most impressive thing about this list, is that "since your irresponsible drinking" -- a toilet is not on the list...

obvisouly I'm reading it too literally...I'm just saying, that would be quite impressive

Anonymous said...

berkeley = berkely


MatthewGuba said...

worst commenter ever? Hey, it's a superlative, I can live with least im not stuck in the middle of the pack in anonymity

Anonymous said...

I am seriously fucking lost as to most of these comments.

My question is -
Did someone hold the puppy still or did you have to chase it around? That'd be a marksmanship show of good aiming at a small movin' target! In the Army, we give out shooting badges for that kind of skill, so maybe you can inquire about that with current unit?

Anonymous said...

What is wrong with the text? What can't you read? Joe Jurevicious=greatest wide receiver from the greater Ohio-River Valley. Ever.

Anonymous said...

What is wrong with the text? What can't you read? Joe Jurevicious=greatest wide receiver from the greater Ohio-River Valley. Ever.

The Augmentee said...

No, it was dark, and the puppy was black. He actually ran into the stream - he was the cutest little puppy ever.

Mrs. Augmentee gave him a bath afterward.

Anonymous said...

The 'quote of the day' from MajX is plenty disturbing, I too was in the stunned silence club. Now that I've recovered, I hope someone had the good manners to tell him that NEXT time he should pause the smooth talk long enough to make sure the Brazilian is female.

Anonymous said...

I object to the comment posting process. The damn 'word verification' step is pretty much guaranteed to wed out drunks and, frankly, some of my best comments emerge when I'm drunk. Who can forget suck classics as "SHITFUKKER, I BET MY LAST $50 I CAN MAKE THAT BANK SHOT", or, "OH BULLSHIT MR BLACKBELT SHITFUKKER, THAT JUJITSU SHIT WONT WORK IN A REAL BRAWL".

Anonymous said...

p.s. The Augmentee is never house sitting for me or watching after my dogs, even if he is kinfolk.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

couple of joe's - is that a gay porn site?