Friday, April 24, 2009

The JOPA Commandments

1. Do unto JOs as you would have JOs do unto you; Hinges can go fuck themselves.

2. Thou shall not ask questions that thou do not want to know the answers to.

3. Thou shall not be nude in the stateroom for any longer than is necessary to change underpants. Should thou, whilst nude, make eye contact with another nude man inside of arm's distance, thou hast had sexual relations with that man.

4. The amount of time or money one spends at any strip club whilst in foreign port, shall not be discussed in the presence of any JOs wife.

5. Thou shall not speaketh upon check-in for 12 fortnights; nowhere in "FNG" does it ask for your opinion.

6. Thou shall not point out the professional shortcomings of another JO, no matter how obvious, in the presence of a hinge. Personal shortcomings are always in play (Jorts clause).

7. If thy brother doth become inebriated beyond his means, thou shall rescue him from arrest by foreign authorities. Then thou may lay thy balls on his forehead and take many photographs.

8. There is no crying in Naval Aviation.

9. When thou finds another man's electronic mail account un-locked, it is thy noble right and duty to make that man appear homosexual through a humorous and fruity correspondence distributed to all other men.

10.Thou shall claim what thou have dealt.

*Special thanks to Wu-Tang and Pride for helping create this list.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Not For Self; But For Country

My IA assignment is the gift that keeps on giving; today’s gift is a breath-taking piece of bureaucratic nonsense that only the Navy could manage . A message came out requiring that all commands meeting specific criteria, assign in writing a Command IA Coordinator (CIAC). The criteria are as follows:

1. One or more sailors in the command have orders for a future IA or GSA assignment.
2. One or more sailors in the command are currently serving an IA assignment.
3. One or more sailors in the command have returned from IA in the previous 9 months.

Having recently returned from an IA assignment, my command meets the above criteria and therefore needs to appoint a CIAC… in writing.

The requirement for a CIAC is any E-7 or above who has IA experience (if available). Read as follows: the IA assignment that I returned from in December, requires my command to assign in writing a CIAC – a position for which I am the only member of my command qualified to hold.

I called the message POC, explained our situation, and asked “are you saying that I need to be assigned, in writing, as my command IA coordinator, in effort to support myself for an IA assignment that I completed 4 months ago?”

“Hmm, well if you want to be in compliance, then technically yes.”

So I guess I’m off to NKO to complete the online training course.

Non sibi sed patriae.