Friday, August 1, 2008

D-188: Major X

I learned a new trick today; anytime someone from Brigade tries to tell you your business or deliver a bullshit tasker, just write back "I need to run that by Major X," and throw Major X in the cc line, and the issue goes completely vanishes.

You see, everyone at Brigade fears Major X; everyone everywhere does. He is a terrifying man, he is the Chuck Norris of the U.S. Army.

When he sees the bullshit that Brigade is giving his JOs, he will immediately blast a "Go Fuck Yourself" right back to them, and they will cower. In the business, we call that top cover - Major X does not want you to destroy his JOs, Major X destroys his own JOs, the way Ike Turner would kick another man's ass if he just walked up and slapped Tina.

Major X makes Army Lieutenants wet their pants with a single hard look. Their are a handful of Captains that make up his inner circle; but he doesn't take any shit from them, he will just sometimes spare them the savage face-shots; sometimes.

On top of his ferocity, this guy is on it; always on it. He knows ops, targeting, intel, maintenance, supply; sometimes it seems like he could run this thing by himself. He has a photographic memory - I am half convinced that he is a robot.

He never bothers me, I am just the Navy guy, I do my job and in return he does not breath down my neck or verbally assault me. Also, he's pretty funny when he's not pissed off - besides, as I learned from the world's worst hinge I would much rather have an abrasive boss than an incompetent one.

Quote of the Day: Battalion Terp

“It is the ‘whorehouse effect,’ the better you are at your job, the more they want to fuck you!”


Anonymous said...

Augmentee, you are a madman. When you stole that cow, and your friend tried to make it with the cow. I want to party with you, cowboy. If the two of us together, forget it.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here. I'm gonna volunteer my leadership to this blog. A blog without leaders is like a foot without a big toe. And Major X is always gonna be here to be that big toe for us. I think that we owe a big round of applause to our newest, bestest buddy, and big toe... Major X.

RoarLionsRoar said...

Another Comment on the Format:

It still sucks. I feel like I'm in GITMO when I look at the top. And the fun stuff like Penn State football and maxim magazine and your gay songlist (jeff buckley takes it in the keister - or he would if he wasn't dead). Bring those little goodies back. Those were gems. Like a Bosque stuttering rant on how great his goofy sedan is.

The Augmentee said...

You know who else takes it in the keister? Freddie Mercury, Elton John, and George Michael. And who knows what the hell Michael Jackson is...

So if you're telling me you don't like any of those guys, you're really only lying to yourself.

I chose to get rid of that stuff because it made my page look to myspacey and amateurish. I want to keep this about my stories, and about Pride's gay little shirtless sailor.

Anonymous said...

I touched nuts with Robby Bowl once.