Tuesday, July 15, 2008

D-205: The Little Things

Today they had the Pecan Pie and the Caramel Praline Crunch ice cream. What a perfect dessert pairing, what a wonderful day it is when they both show up on the cart. Dinner was abysmal, but dessert heavenly. It really is the little things in life.

It’s like going to the shower right as the Nepalese are done cleaning it, just after they have cleared out, and being the first one there. Undressing without any foreigners staring at you, choosing whatever spot on the bench that you like. Every shower stall is clean and smells of bleach, and you can choose one that has a good shower head, drains properly, and has a towel rack; the perfect Trifecta of shower enjoyment; the trinity.

Even more rare and possibly more satisfying; stepping up to urinal that has a brand new urinal patty laying in the bottom; daring you to try to dent it’s smooth surface with pure force of your pee stream.

Waking up and finding that the morning meeting is cancelled, and that you have time to go to breakfast and have an egg sandwich or an omelet, instead of just eating cereal at your desk.

But of all the nice little things that make your day tolerable, what is the best. Without any question; getting mail. On days when mail comes, the supply guys loads as many packages as he can on to his little hand cart, and makes his way around the building. I pretend not to notice; I play it cool; as if to say, “I don’t care if I get mail, I have everything I need.” I won’t give those cocky sons-of-bitches opening packages the satisfaction of knowing how much I envy them. How I long to be handed mail, my jealousy consumes me. Look at them, making a big production of their crappy package, laying all their treasures out on the table as if we care about their stupid snacks… and then it comes!

A big beautiful box gets laid on your desk; I want jump up and down, I want to shriek, but I won’t. I’m still cool; “hmm, oh look, I got mail,” no big deal bitches, I get mail all the time, where’s your mail? Oh, you don’t have any, bet you want to see what’s in here. Well, you better get comfortable chump, because I’m going to take my time opening this baby. Let’s see who it’s from, “oh it’s from my wife,” that’s right, and we all know my wife sends the best packages don’t we? Where’s all your bar-hopping bachelor smack talk now? Come on Playah? Let’s hear about how great being single is again. Oh, how much fun it is digging through the seven hundred target bags that my wife hides all my wonderful gifts under. Oh check this out…

“Six magazines! Wow, how am I ever going to have time to read all six… oh, I missed one, there are actually seven… Seven! Seven magazines, wow, you want to look at this SmartMoney?”

“I don’t think I’m going to get to SmartMoney for a while… ah, ah, ah, hand’s off the football preview, I’m not finished with that one, maybe when I’m done; nope, Maxim too, that one comes with me. Oh, and there are snacks, look at these snacks. Sure, sure you can have some, when I open them though, what’s the hurry. “

“Let’s see, toiletries, just the ones I wanted perfect. Gold Bond, Listerine, oh man, where do you get your toiletries? At the PX? Have fun with that, better get there before those guys come in from the COP and empty the shelves; and have fun carrying that jumbo size mouthwash bottle back and forth to the head, if you want the regular size, better get someone to mail it.”

“Goodness Gracious, what do we have here? A card! A card from Hallmark! Now that is thoughtful, what a nice touch… and oh, oh boy look at this, she covered the whole thing with writing, front and back, that is so nice. Well, I’m off to my room to read my personal letter, here you guys go, you can have these Slim Jims; those are nasty anyway.”

Yes, getting mail is the best.


Anonymous said...

Slim Jims are one of a "real Man's" basic food groups

Anonymous said...

I was around when man first salted and seasoned meat. Those were nice times.

Augmentee - sending a care package shortly, any ideas other than the usual? Send them to:

Dr. Leo Marvin
C/O Bob & Lilly Whiley
1 Lake Drive
Lake Winnipesaukee, NH