"Yesterday, when Brian was bitching about his swamp-ass, I started wondering if Gold Bond could be directly applied to the ass."
"Yeah, what'd you come up with?"
"I tried it..."
"It's awesome (drawn out emphasis on "awesome"), you're gonna need some privacy to apply it though."
"I could imagine, that's not the type of thing you should be doing in the shower."
I can't make this stuff up.
Epilogue: Curiosity got the better of me, so I tried it. It is awesome.