tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21335037396752825892024-03-12T21:39:06.576-07:00The AugmenteeIraq / Afghanistan Navy Veteran, currently a Navy Reservist, father, corporate d-bag and law student. The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.comBlogger88125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-60817834544303357952015-05-20T11:38:00.001-07:002015-05-20T11:38:41.834-07:00Sometimes I'm a Wig-Wam, Sometimes I'm a Tee-Pee<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><span lang="SV">My brief, inglorious
tenure with the Reserves has left a bruise.
Although it’s been four years since my departure from active duty, re-affiliation
was always part of the plan. Now I am
quite suddenly forced to psychologically separate myself from the Navy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">I've been wandering through Corporate America in
sheep’s clothing; completely un-bothered that I have zero in common with most
people around me. My primary reference
points are other veterans and a good chunk of my social calendar is spent with
old Squadron-mates.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">With it clear that military life is forever behind
me – that identity is no longer a healthy one.
I am at great risk of becoming one of ”<i>those”</i> guys; enamored with the adventures and exploits of my
twenties, expecting all others to be equally enthralled. This is not an acceptable outcome.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">Unlike the Military, the corporate world does
not provide a standard-issue psychological construct; or at least, not one that
I find appealing. Smiley corporate guy
is not someone I aspire to be, although I do admire his enthusiasm. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">Fatherhood, to which I am still relatively
new, lends itself quite well to a variety of Ethos – some of which I could
probably get behind but would require some self-censorship. Many base elements
of my personality are not family-friendly and I’m worried how they might
manifest themselves if not allowed exercise.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">Still, this is mostly manageable; father-self
is pretty well aligned with regular-self. Work-self, however, diverges wildly
from both. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">In the ready room my behavior required no
modifications. In cubicle-land, I really
need to lock it up. This results in my
being very quiet most of the time. Sometimes,
I think everyone else is engaged in a similar masquerade but I’m not sure. Perhaps they've adjusted to their habitat
after all those years in the cube. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">I don’t think they covered this in TAPS. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3LARX_21-Xc/VVzURDpkEGI/AAAAAAAAM68/3VNXoSU93NM/s1600/2113292590_c23451833f_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3LARX_21-Xc/VVzURDpkEGI/AAAAAAAAM68/3VNXoSU93NM/s320/2113292590_c23451833f_z.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p>The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-34437407319034040552015-05-18T08:15:00.004-07:002015-05-18T11:23:03.793-07:00I Have Reservations<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">”Show them your license and your orders and
see if they let you on, if not call the CDO.”
Those were my only instructions from the reserve PS3 who was my primary
point of contact at the NOSC. After two
hours of waiting in line and three calls to the CDO, she finally relented; ”we’ll
send someone to the gate to escort you.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">So began an excruciating, although entirely
expected day of administrative boondoggling and regulatory logic loops. You can’t have certificates on you CAC card
until you complete Information Awareness training, but you can’t access the
training without functioning certificates. Blink. Blink.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">While those things inspired amused deja vu, the
mobilization landscape was truly unnerving.
My decision to join SELRES was largely predicated on understanding that
involuntary mobilizations were history.
Multiple sources <i>assured*</i> me
that most available mobilizations were being snapped up by volunteers who (a)
needed it for promotion (b) just like to mobilize or (c) were otherwise
unemployed and need the money to keep body and soul together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">Multiple conversations throughout the course
of that first Saturday convinced me that I had vastly under-estimated this
risk. The CO confirmed in my first
meeting with him that the possibility of involuntary mobilization was ”reduced
but not insignificant.” I found myself
overwhelmed with dread at living with the specter of a 12-month Afghan IA looming
over me like a boogey-man. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">Before you old-timers start in on me; yes, I
understand that mobilizing is the actual purpose of the Reserves. As a young, steely-eyed killer, I would be first
in line to admonish Reservists who dared complain about activation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">That said, my hypocrisy knows no bounds – I joined
SELRES for the retirement, the pay, and the insurance of having a reliable
fall-back source of income in the worst of times. All the <u>wrong</u> reasons. I do not want deploy, now or ever. For a variety of reasons, a mobilization
would be professionally and emotionally devastating to me. It took me one day on base to realize - I have
gone soft. I am 100% civilian.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">On Sunday I submitted paperwork for transition
to IRR. I lasted <u>one</u> drill weekend. If you aren't willing to do the job, you've
got no business wearing a uniform. Period.
Sorry for causing paperwork. I
tip my cap to those who hold the line, but I am through – hit the lights</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">---</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: x-small;">*Assured may be too strong a word, I have a habit of hearing what I want to hear. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-40695028100237528042015-04-23T08:52:00.003-07:002015-04-23T08:52:45.007-07:00Old Law<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">If you have ever had a friend announce to you
his intention to buy a boat, you probably said, ”<i>that’s great man, good for you</i>” - but you were probably thinking ”<i>this poor, ignorant bastard is on a road to
wealth-destroying misery</i>.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">A 34 year-old man, with a good job and a
family, announcing plans to attend law school receives that exact same
response. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in;">
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<span lang="SV">Well, at least I’m
not buying a boat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">The country is full of unemployed lawyers saddled
with crippling, non-dischargable debt.
Google the words ”Law School” and <u>two</u> of the front page articles
are full-length, denunciations of the entire enterprise. I have read every word of those articles and
100 others like it. ”<i>Law school is a
sham; ...ruined my life;... you aren’t the exception</i>” – I go to sleep every
night with these words dancing in my head. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">In most cases the argument against law school
follows this framework: (1) law school costs way, way, way too much, (2) the job-market
for lawyers is terrible, and (3) the jobs that are available are miserable,
slavish drudgery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">The first is a very plain and unassailable
fact - law school is stupid expensive.
However, thanks to the GI Bill and the Yellow Ribbon Program, I will sidestep
this landmine completely. And since I am attending night school while
maintaining my current job and salary, my opportunity cost will be paid in
human suffering, rather than U.S. Dollars.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">Second, the job market for lawyers is famously
terrible. The statistics are confusing
and largely uninteresting, but consider three potential outcomes: (1) get a job
at a big law firm that pays $165,000 (2)
get some other lawyer job (public sector, small-business, solo practice) that
generally pays $45-65K. (3a) maneuver an
in-house job at my current company or (3b) don’t practice law. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">Option one is a crapshoot, the big firms
recruit mainly from the elite, top-tier schools, and after that from the very tippy-top
of the class at other schools. I will
attend Temple, which is a very good school, and I am a good student, so this is
in the realm of possibility but certainly not easy or guarenteed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">Toss option two out the window, I’ve got a
family to feed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">Option (3a) is a realistic and <i>very</i> appealing possibility and (3b)
basically involves staying in my current job.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">In total, this one is a wash – the job market
for lawyers is very terrible, but so is the job market for every other
thing. I don’t see how having a (free)
law degree does me any harm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">The final argument concerns the miserable
nature of the legal profession. These
arguments usually begin as, ”If you think you’re life will resemble this TV /
Movie lawyer...” then move to ”...mostly reading boring things and working long
hours...” and summarize with ”...and you can never quit because you are a
quarter million in debt.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
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<span lang="SV">This all sounds
like run-of-the-mill bitching about work to me.
I can see how the demands of any job could be a slap in the face of a
person who coming off seven consecutive years of the utopian paradise that is
the modern college campus, but this is not my first rodeo. Doctors bitch about their work, as do
policemen and teachers and fighter pilots and Kanye West. I have no doubt that lawyering is demanding
work, but I consider myself up to the task.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 2.0pt 0in; padding: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 2.0pt 0in; padding: 0in;">
<span lang="SV">Whether or not I
can actually graduate from law school while holding down a job, drilling in the
Navy Reserves, and being a suitable father and husband... I guess we’re about
to find out. Wish me luck, I’ll keep you
all posted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-40909579817464688032015-03-04T11:31:00.003-08:002015-03-04T11:31:41.532-08:00JOPA For Life<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><span lang="SV">Congratulations
universe, you win. I am officially back
in the Navy as a reservist. Only time
will tell if this is just another way-point in a long string of under-informed
(read: bad) decisions but at this early stage I’m happy about it. ’Happy’ is probably the wrong word, let’s say
I’m <i>amused</i> by it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">If the recruitment process is any indication
of reservist life, I’m in for a pretty long road to retirement eligibility. My first communication with the recruiter is
approaching it’s second birthday:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">I completed a thorough package to the E-2C SAU
but never heard anything back. Honestly,
I don’t hold it against them. I wouldn't
have been a very good squadron-mate, I don’t think they have much use for a
weekender who hasn't been inside the aircraft since late 2007 (Jesus that was almost
eight years ago).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">So I’ll go to the Philadelphia NOSC and search
for a local billet; hopefully there’s something interesting – I welcome any
advice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">I have been warned off this decision by people
whom I trust and are in a position to know what they are talking about. I did not pay mind to that advice because I
am dense, arrrogant, and a poor decision-maker.
I served nine years of active duty; that is too many years to just leave
on the table so I feel obliged to pursue retirement. The benefits will serve as both a supplement
and an insurance policy, and in the meantime I naively think that reserve duty
might be interesting. I have a good job
at a good company with good pay and good benefits, but it can be a little
boring so I’ll dress up and play sailor once a month to relive the glory. Maybe I'll get some good blog ingredients out of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="SV">The rub is that I start over as an O-3;
apparently that is my penance for making a clean break back in ’11. That was a bad decision. I know now that I could have hit the IRR with
<i>almost</i> no risk of mobilization and I
would be hitting the ground as an O-4.
In hindsight, I should have done some research or asked somebody for
advice – well hindsight, unlike Hawkeye NFOs, is 20/20. Fuck it, <a href="http://www.theaugmentee.com/2009/04/jopa-commandments.html" target="_blank">JOPA for life</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-19504315783119887162015-01-05T13:08:00.000-08:002015-01-06T11:02:16.930-08:00The Stadium Thing, explained<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Atlantic Magazine cover story, <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/12/the-tragedy-of-the-american-military/383516/">“The Tragedy of the American Military”</a> by James Fallows has stirred up a quiet storm of activity in some of the corners of the internet that I frequent. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Briefly, the article contends:</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-981a7484-bbc5-71e4-ebb4-43e93f9c01c0" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(a) There exists a disconnect between the public and the military in that the former holds a “reverent but disengaged attitude” toward the latter... </span></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(b) which has resulted in a “chickenhawk”<sup><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2133503739675282589#fn1" id="ref1">1</a></sup></span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> nation that manifests itself in various cultural, economic and political apparatii...</span></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(c) in which “careless spending and strategic folly combine to lure America into endless wars it can’t win”</span></blockquote>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That is the Cliff’s Notes edition of an article that is </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">very </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">long and broad in scope, as are the countless pieces written in response (links below). Writer’s far smarter and more interesting than I have contributed thousands of words in a debate that will rage on forever without any meaningful effect on anything. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For my part, I am mainly interested in the first point concern the disconnect between the public and the military. This phenomenon is generally referred to as the “civil-military divide.” Fallows did not invent it, and both sides of the divide continue lengthening the gap through indifference. Fallow’s view is best summed up in his own words: “The country thinks too rarely, and too highly, of the 1 percent under fire in our name.” </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That’s half true anyway. The country does think “too rarely” about the military, but as for “too highly?” There are a few warmed-over reference points concerning this perceived hero-worship put forth by Fallows and others that deserve to be addressed by someone a little closer to the pointy edge of civilian-military relations:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<ol style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The “Stadium” Thing:</span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Reading through the responses to this article, one might think that any person in a uniform can walk right into the Super Bowl and demand to be paraded across the 50-yard line en route to a private luxury suite. Sadly, this is not the case. The person you see standing in the end zone in ACUs waving like an idiot is a kind of contest winner. His </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">prize </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">was free football tickets; the standing, waving and being forced to wear a uniform to a football game is the extracted </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">price</span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. The industry figured out a way to cram one more piece of marketing into their marketing-rich fan experience. They correctly presume that the people who ”revere” military things sometimes overlap with the people who care about football. This does not mean </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">all </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">people “revere” military things but the fact that there are some is sufficient for the team to spend 2 unsold tickets and a previously-unoccupied 30-seconds in between quarters to “honor” Joe from Staten Island for his great sacrifice. Joe would rather be wearing his discounted Michael Vick jersey and starting a fight in the 400 section. If peer pressure induces you to stand up and clap for him that’s on you - sit on your hands if you want to, nobody will even notice.</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Military Discount:</span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> In my 13 years of military-discount eligibility, I can count on one hand the number of times that I've participated. Generally, the military discount is exactly the same as the discount offered to members of AAA, American Express, Frequent Flier Programs, etc - and the price is still probably lower at Costco<sup><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2133503739675282589#fn2" id="ref2">2</a></sup></span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. It’s a nice gesture, but it’s just that - for business that are outside the range of a handful of major military installations, it rarely even comes up. Meanwhile, Applebees gets to put a bunch of American flag stickers on their menus for being so military friendly. </span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The “Thank You for Your Service” Thing:</span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> This is a nice thing that some people say but it really doesn't mean anything. “Thank you for your service” is to servicemen as “God bless you” is to sneeze. Occasionally someone is utterly sincere and thanks you for your service earnestly and with </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">burning</span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> intensity… encountering these people leads to the most awkward personal interactions in life. “um, you’re welcome?” I know it’s ungrateful to complain about a simple, nice gesture, but there it is… I think most modern-era vets kind of wish this little habit would go away<sup><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2133503739675282589#fn3" id="ref3">3</a></sup></span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. You’re killing us with kindness. </span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">SEALs: </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> SOCOM, Call of Duty, Rainbow Six, No Easy Day, Lone Survivor, Zero Dark Thirty, Seal Team Six! LL Cool J, Ice Cube, Charlie Sheen, Tom Selleck and Hulk Hogan have all portrayed SEALs. America </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>loves</i></span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Navy SEALs. America worships and reveres Navy SEALs. Most of us are not Navy SEALs - that reverence does not extend to E-2C NFOs.</span></div>
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</ol>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">America does not think "too highly" of their military.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They think the military is a landing spot for rednecks who can't get into college - I've had to explain the concept that I was in the military </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><u>and</u></i></span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I went to college to more than one confused interviewer.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They think anyone can do it - I can't even count the number of "I almost joined the military but decided to have a life instead" stories that I've endured in my 3 years as a civilian.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They know less than nothing about anything military - Several times I've had to explain the fact that the Navy has their own aircraft and that is different than the Air Force. Imagine trying to explain the concept of an Individual Augmentee. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In reality, what little time America does spend thinking about the “1 percent under fire in (their) name,” is spent thinking about:sexual assault, PTSD, and shirtless Navy SEALs. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<hr />
<sup id="fn1">1. </sup><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Chickenhawk</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> is a political term used in the United States to describe a person who strongly supports war or other military action (i.e., a war hawk), yet who actively avoids or avoided military service when of age. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(</span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chickenhawk_%28politics%29" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wikipedia</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">)</span><sup><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2133503739675282589#ref1" title="Jump back to footnote 1 in the text.">↩</a></sup><br />
<sup><br /></sup>
<sup id="fn2">2. </sup><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;">Similarly, the commissaries and exchanges don’t offer much in the way of savings - the argument that this is somehow a perk for servicemen is mythology created by recruiters. I’m sure there is some racket in place where-by Dick Cheney’s cousin has a billion dollar subsidy to keep the Panda Express open at NS Norfolk, but it doesn’t mean a thing to the average serviceman.</span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2133503739675282589#ref2" style="vertical-align: super;" title="Jump back to footnote 2 in the text.">↩</a></span><br />
<br />
<sup id="fn3">3.<span id="docs-internal-guid-981a7484-bbd3-25ca-b681-0d14dbb377d6"><span style="font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maybe it’s just me. I can be something of an insufferable prick and it may very well be that others are very grateful for this kindness. I didn’t conduct a poll. </span></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2133503739675282589#ref3" title="Jump back to footnote 3 in the text.">↩</a></sup><br />
<hr />
<h3>
Links</h3>
<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/12/the-tragedy-of-the-american-military/383516/" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">“The Tragedy of the American Military”</a><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> by James Fallows | The Atlantic</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-stretch: inherit; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: -0.006em; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 16px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.npr.org/2014/12/29/373835100/james-fallows-on-the-tragedy-of-the-american-military">James Fallows On The 'Tragedy Of The American Military'</a> (audio) | NPR</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-stretch: inherit; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: -0.006em; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 16px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"<a href="http://cdrsalamander.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-tragedies-of-james-fallows.html">The Tragedies of James Fallows</a>" | CDR Salamander</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-stretch: inherit; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: -0.006em; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 16px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"<a href="http://www.informationdissemination.net/2014/12/the-tragedy-of-james-fallows.html">The Tragedy of James Fallows</a>" by Bryan McGrath | Information Dissemination</span></div>
<h1 class="headline" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; color: #242b30; letter-spacing: -0.5px; line-height: 1.1; margin: 3px 0px 6px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/01/chickenhawk-responses-no-9-meanwhile-the-realities/384201/">Chickenhawk Responses No. 9: Meanwhile, the Realities</a> | The Atlantic (With links to responses 1 through 8)</span></h1>
<br />
<hr />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Leave some comments please - it makes this whole effort a lot more fun for me
</b></span></div>
The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-49101465761044946242014-01-09T12:22:00.001-08:002014-01-10T05:16:24.977-08:00Rough Start<div class="MsoNormal">
When I publicly committed myself to <a href="http://www.theaugmentee.com/2014/01/bless-me-father-for-i-have-sinned.html">posting something new every week</a>, I really did not take into consideration the banality of my
day-to-day life. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, it looks
like my buddy Brian really<a href="http://www.theaugmentee.com/2008/07/d-203-sea-stories-flashback.html"> called his shot back in 2008</a> when he wrote;<o:p></o:p></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“Of course, if you got out of the Navy and weren't in Iraq,
on the Ike or dealing with hinges, I could see you quickly running out of
material.”</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of those things have come true; I work in a pretty basic
cube-farm, we have pictures of eagles on the walls with cute sayings about
innovation. The carpet is gray; the
walls are pale blue. The soothing chorus of clacking keyboards over
the labored breathing of the severely overweight is only interrupted by occasional
polite laughter in response to a sterile, unfunny joke. There is usually a cake when it’s someone’s
birthday, which, statistically is pretty much every day in a building of 400
people. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s a nice enough place to
work, but nobody drove a truck into a wall or nearly went blind drinking wine
they made under their bed, so it sometimes can feel a little humorless. It
certainly does not offer up a weekly premise for a blog post of any value.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alas, weekly is the commitment that I made right here in
front of God and everybody, and while I’m sure my determination will eventually
give way to other interests (baseball season), vanity alone prevents me from
defaulting on my very first, post-resolution installment – in short, this is a
blog about nothing.<o:p></o:p></div>
The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-91971762396714326252014-01-02T18:00:00.000-08:002014-01-02T18:02:13.433-08:001,103 Days Later<div class="MsoNormal">
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been 1,103 days since my last post.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Technically that isn’t correct; I’ve had a smattering of
failed projects along the way and had a short, but fun go of it over at
<a href="http://www.droppingletters.com/">droppingletters.com</a>. While I am still
holding out hope that we can pull our hats out of our collective asses over at
<a href="http://www.officesharks.com/">officesharks.com</a> someday, it is high time that I return to the scene of my
original failure, where I first discovered my gift of mediocre story-telling
and poor grammar. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Welcome back to The Augmentee.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve never been big on New Year’s resolutions. Lord knows I have enough bad habits but I’ve
settled into a comfortable cycle of fat-drunk to fit-sober and back that
operates on about an 8-month wavelength.
This year, the fit-sober just happens to fall in a January – it’s like
an eclipse. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In times like these, it’s important to seek inspiration from
venerable sources such as <a href="http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/">Cracked.com</a>’s David Wong, who offers this gem to the
newly resolved: <a href="http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/">6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I won’t bore you with a full review of the article (although
it is brilliant and I encourage you to read it) but I will cite one brief
passage:</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Being in the business I'm in, I know dozens of aspiring
writers. They think of themselves as writers, they introduce themselves as
writers at parties, they know that deep inside, they have the heart of a
writer. The only thing they're missing is that minor final step, where they <i>actually fucking write things</i>. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But really, does that matter? Is "writing things"
all that important when deciding who is and who is not truly a
"writer"?
</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">For the love of God, yes.</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I cringed a little when I read that, and I couldn’t
understand exactly why. After all, I
have NEVER presumed to introduce myself as a writer at a party and I have the
heart of a slightly-overweight, 33-year old cigar smoker, but I felt exposed
anyway.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because I would say “I like to write.” I would list it as a hobby if I were filling
out the kind of questionnaire that asked me to list hobbies. Which is all well-and-good except that I don’t
<i>actually fucking write things</i>. I enjoy
writing the way I enjoy golf, exercise, and reading books – I remember a time
when I used to do all those things, and now just whimper about how
I don’t have time but still list them as my hobbies on theoretical questionnaires. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, in honor of the challenge set forth by David Wong in the
pages of Cracked.com, I’m throwing open the shutters of The Augmentee and I’ll
endeavour to post something weekly of some value, to somebody. I’ll see you chumps on the message boards. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<i>For those of you not interested in clicking on the link, here's the embedded photo of Lenny Kravitz wearing a gigantic scarf:</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/6/8/7/157687_v1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/6/8/7/157687_v1.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #909090; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.399999618530273px; line-height: 26px; text-align: right;">Via </span><a href="http://www.upscalehype.com/2012/11/lenny-kravitvz-wearing-rick-owens-desert-engineer-cargo-boots/" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #0657af; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.399999618530273px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: right; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="c">Upscalehype.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<i><br /></i></div>
The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-3051720040968719872011-01-25T11:30:00.000-08:002011-01-25T11:31:29.488-08:00Hit the Lights!As my transition out of the Navy is rapidly approaching, I’ve decided to do some final tidying up around here and consider The Augmentee blog officially a wrap. I’ve attempted to fix some of the more egregious formatting errors (while ignoring the ones that were too much a nuisance to fix) and deleted some of the more misguided if not outright offensive posts (because the internet is forever).<br /><br />It was tempting to alter or add clarifying information to some of the old posts as I reviewed them, but for the sake of posterity I have decided to leave well enough alone. I haven’t decided how long I will continue to claim the domain name, but it only costs $12/year and I am admittedly sentimentally attached to it.<br /><br />As my naval career comes to a close, it is clear that this IA assignment will stand out as one of the defining events of my 8+ years of service. The maintaining of this blog and the overwhelming response to it was extremely fun, and helped keep me sane for the duration of the deployment. <br /><br />Thanks for playing along, don’t forget to buy a T-Shirt on your way out the door.The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-27659314918834158572009-12-18T15:39:00.000-08:002009-12-18T15:45:56.148-08:00The Augmentee and the NAVADMIN<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CTim%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CTim%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" 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mso-footnote-continuation-separator:url("file:///C:/Users/Tim/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_header.htm") fcs; mso-endnote-separator:url("file:///C:/Users/Tim/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_header.htm") es; mso-endnote-continuation-separator:url("file:///C:/Users/Tim/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_header.htm") ecs;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} /* List Definitions */ @list l0 {mso-list-id:1148863865; mso-list-type:hybrid; mso-list-template-ids:-996396262 67698703 67698713 67698715 67698703 67698713 67698715 67698703 67698713 67698715;} @list l0:level1 {mso-level-tab-stop:none; mso-level-number-position:left; text-indent:-.25in;} ol {margin-bottom:0in;} ul {margin-bottom:0in;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">I’m going to try not to make this a long story… </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Like many IAs, I had assumed that I would recover 100% of my shore duty time for my Iraqi troubles.<span style=""> </span>That had long been touted as a promise on the FAQ lists of official IA sources.<span style=""> </span>Therefore, I had assumed that I would receive an eight month extension to cushy billet, upon which time I would gracefully resign from the Naval Service – forever cementing my legacy in the annals<a style="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.do#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style=""><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--></span></span></a> of naval lore.<span style=""> </span>Well, I am an idiot.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">In June of this year, I informed my detailer of my desire to exercise my extension.<span style=""> </span>He told me I just needed to submit a request… no deadline or sense of urgency was revealed to me. <span style=""> </span>It seemed a mere formality.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">On Thursday of last week, the nomination package for my replacement was delivered to my command.<span style=""> </span>He will be here in May to facilitate my August rotation.<span style=""> </span>I called the detailer and told him that he needs to contact this unlucky officer immediately; let him know that his Helo Bubba Placement Officer placed him in a job that wasn’t available.<span style=""> </span>Sucks to be him… but he probably didn’t just get back from a 10-month IA, so while I’m sympathetic, I can stomach a small amount of discomfort on his part in order to prevent my life from turning upside down.<span style=""> </span>I was sure my detailer would agree… He did not.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">He told me that while I was still welcome to submit my request, it would likely be denied since my job was promised to another person.<span style=""> </span>Clearly, this was entirely my fault; why hadn’t I submitted this letter already?<span style=""> </span>Didn’t I know the rules?<span style=""> </span>Hadn’t I read the applicable chapters in MILPERSMAN chapter 13?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Sadly, I had only read through chapter 12 of MILPERSMAN, and I did not know the rules.<span style=""> </span>But I do now.<span style=""> </span>The MILPERSMAN is not really the issue… the real article is called <a href="http://www.npc.navy.mil/NR/rdonlyres/13FD71CB-5058-4B7A-AD5B-FCE2B1A6D804/0/NAV06273.txt">NAVADMIN 273/06</a>.<span style=""> </span>If you are a returning IA, you need to read this thing but for the purposes of brevity let me summarize.<span style=""> </span>The 100% extension promise only applies to enlisted personnel.<span style=""> </span>For officers, the text reads as follows:</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“OFFICER IAS COMING FROM SHORE DUTY: DETAILERS WILL CONTACT THE OFFICER TO DISCUSS OPTIONS WITH REGARD TO CAREER PROGRESSION, PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT, AND TOUR LENGTHS TO MAXIMIZE THE LENGTH OF A SHORE DUTY EXTENSION WHILE KEEPING THE OFFICER’S CAREER ON TRACK TO ACHIEVE ALL COMMUNITY MILESTONES.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Read as follows: I am not entitled to shit.<span style=""> </span>So here are my options:</p> <p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">1.<span style=";font-family:";font-size:7;" > </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Negotiate another sea-duty.</p> <p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">2.<span style=";font-family:";font-size:7;" > </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Resign in August 2010 vice May 2011.</p> <p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">3.<span style=";font-family:";font-size:7;" > </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Negotiate another IA/GSA deployment.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I have some hope; the guy who has been promised my billet will be offered other available NROTC billets.<span style=""> </span>If he accepts, I’m good.<span style=""> </span>If he declines, I’m fucked.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Do I feel like I’ve been screwed? Yes I do.<span style=""> </span>However, I accept that I had a hand in screwing myself.<span style=""> </span>If I have to choose from the options above, I’ll take number 2.<span style=""> </span>If anyone knows a company in the New York City area that needs a good man around September, please let me know.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’ll keep you posted.
<br /> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <div style=""><hr align="left" size="1" width="33%"> <!--[endif]--> <div style="" id="ftn1"> <p class="MsoFootnoteText"><a style="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.do#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style=""><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> “Annals” refers to archives, history or chronicles, not the human anus; but have fun with it anyway Bosque & Bowl.</p> </div> </div> The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-12914363594527778682009-08-30T08:42:00.001-07:002009-08-30T08:42:54.738-07:00A Commentary on FITREPs<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" 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mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">We have undergone a change of command here recently, and with it the obligatory change of command FITREP and debrief.<span style=""> </span>My former boss is very heavy on the “career counseling” aspect of these debriefs; he leads with the question, “what do you have planned for your next tour?”<span style=""> </span>Never mind that I’ve made it clear on several occasions that not only did I want to get out, but that my community is structured in a way that wouldn’t provide a path back in, regardless of my wishes, so his efforts to change my mind were futile. <span style=""> </span>In general, I play the “I’m getting out” card pretty close to the vest, but when asked directly, I don’t beat around the bush.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">This decision was made when I accepted this tour; the Hawkeye community places no value on education and no value on IA tours.<span style=""> </span>I was introduced to this concept long ago, when as naïve LTJG, I wondered aloud why the Department Head selection board would even consider<span style=""> </span>passing on a guy who has a PHD in aerospace engineering from MIT in favor of a guy who spent three years teaching some useless PDS class over at the RAG.<span style=""> </span>My CO told me flatly, it is because the guy at the RAG “gave something back to the community.”<span style=""> </span>That may have been the first time I heard that concept, but it would not be the last; as I moved closer to my shore rotation, I was offered excessive career advice from anyone with an oak leaf and chance to run their mouth for a few minutes, and it always bounced back to the same theme – give something back to the community.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Let’s get this out of the way up front; being a “member” of the Hawkeye “community” is in every way equivalent to playing for the losing team.<span style=""> </span>The E-2C is an aging platform, unable to effectively adapt to a modern warfare environment.<span style=""> </span>I could go on forever about the reasons why, but I’ll save that for another day. The point is, asking <i style="">me </i>to give something <i style="">back </i>to the Hawkeye community is absurd; it is like asking Barry Sanders to give something back to the Lions.<span style=""> </span>Flying the Hawkeye was a booby prize; it is the participation ribbon of Naval Aviation – I don’t feel indebted to it in any way, and I don’t think my “good deal” shore tour is any less of a contribution than sitting in the Simulator at the RAG or re-drafting useless TTP in a triple-walled nerd-locker in the desert.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">In fact, I’ll stack my tour here up against anyone of those as far as contribution to the Navy; after all, we all joined the Navy, not the Hawkeye community.<span style=""> </span>My tour, to include my 9-month combat tour, compares favorably to a RAG, WTI, or NSAWC tour in every measurable way except one – It has nothing to do with sitting in the back of an E-2C (by the grace of God).<span style=""> </span>By the time I leave here, I’ll have delivered hundreds of commissioned Ensigns to the Fleet, I’ll have more joint experience than any of my peers having a FITREP signed by a member of 3 of 4 service branches, I’ll have invaluable combat experience on the FIRES end of CAS/TST – a mission which should by now be an E-2C core competency but falls short in favor of Cold War doctrine - and I’ll have a master’s degree.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">All of those things would strike an ordinary person as pretty favorable traits to bring before a career board; which is probably why my CO continued to bring it up for two years, but the Hawkeye community is not listening.<span style=""> </span>Hawkeye CO’s are still encouraged to manipulate the FITREP system to give the maximum advancement opportunity to guys who choose jobs that are on the “track.”<span style=""> </span>You may be the number one performer, but this other guy “needs” the EP because he’s going to the RAG.<span style=""> </span>He’s giving something back!<span style=""> </span>I don’t mean to sound bitter, because I wasn’t trying to stay in, and I was never mislead – my detailer looked me right in the eye and told me I’d never make command if I took this job.<span style=""> </span>It’s just an infuriatingly broken system; and the community will never advance in any meaningful way as long as clings to this incestuous promotion scheme.<span style=""> </span>There are plenty of very good, very deserving officers at the RAG and NSAWC; top performers who I admire and in many cases count among my closest friends.<span style=""> </span>But there are more than a few clowns too – and it is a straight roll of the dice which of these guys will be the next generation of squadron COs.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">New ideas are not generated by homogenous groups who have been more or less stuck in the tube of an E-2 for their entire careers.<span style=""> </span>It is a frustrating conversation to be forced to have every fucking FITREP cycle.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span></p> The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-22497642272496934062009-04-24T11:07:00.000-07:002009-04-24T11:09:37.934-07:00The JOPA Commandments<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IiQobVNjomQ/SfIABo_sAyI/AAAAAAAAAS0/TCAEikDKJU0/s1600-h/The+JOPA+Commandments.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 252px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IiQobVNjomQ/SfIABo_sAyI/AAAAAAAAAS0/TCAEikDKJU0/s400/The+JOPA+Commandments.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328321337317131042" border="0" /></a>
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-0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Do unto JOs as you would have JOs do unto you; Hinges can go fuck themselves.</p> <p class="MsoPlainText"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoPlainText" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Thou shall not ask questions that thou do not want to know the answers to.</p> <p class="MsoPlainText"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoPlainText" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Thou shall not be nude in the stateroom for any longer than is necessary to change underpants. <span style=""> </span>Should thou, whilst nude, make eye contact with another nude man inside of arm's distance, thou hast had sexual relations with that man.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoPlainText"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoPlainText" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">4.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The amount of time or money one spends at any strip club whilst in foreign port, shall not be discussed in the presence of any JOs wife.</p> <p class="MsoPlainText"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoPlainText" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">5.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Thou shall not speaketh upon check-in for 12 fortnights; nowhere in "FNG" does it ask for your opinion.</p> <p class="MsoPlainText"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoPlainText" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">6.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Thou shall not point out the professional shortcomings of another JO, no matter how obvious, in the presence of a hinge. Personal shortcomings are always in play (Jorts clause).</p> <p class="MsoPlainText"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoPlainText" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">7.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->If thy brother doth become inebriated beyond his means, thou shall rescue him from arrest by foreign authorities.<span style=""> </span>Then thou may lay thy balls on his forehead and take many photographs. </p> <p class="MsoPlainText" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoPlainText" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">8.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->There is no crying in Naval Aviation. </p> <p class="MsoPlainText" style="text-indent: 5.25pt;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoPlainText" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">9.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->When thou finds another man's electronic mail account un-locked, it is thy noble right and duty to make that man appear homosexual through a humorous and fruity correspondence distributed to all other men.</p> <p class="MsoPlainText"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoPlainText" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=""><span style="">10.</span></span><!--[endif]-->Thou shall claim what thou have dealt.</p> <p class="MsoPlainText"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoPlainText"><o:p> *Special thanks to Wu-Tang and Pride for helping create this list.
<br /></o:p></p>
<br />The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-3638411514580512742009-04-07T19:01:00.000-07:002009-04-07T19:03:42.187-07:00Not For Self; But For CountryMy IA assignment is the gift that keeps on giving; today’s gift is a breath-taking piece of bureaucratic nonsense that only the Navy could manage . A message came out requiring that all commands meeting specific criteria, assign in writing a Command IA Coordinator (CIAC). The criteria are as follows:<br /><br />1. One or more sailors in the command have orders for a future IA or GSA assignment.<br />2. One or more sailors in the command are currently serving an IA assignment. <br />3. One or more sailors in the command have returned from IA in the previous 9 months.<br /><br />Having recently returned from an IA assignment, my command meets the above criteria and therefore needs to appoint a CIAC… in writing.<br /><br />The requirement for a CIAC is any E-7 or above who has IA experience (if available). Read as follows: the IA assignment that I returned from in December, requires my command to assign in writing a CIAC – a position for which I am the only member of my command qualified to hold.<br /><br />I called the message POC, explained our situation, and asked “are you saying that I need to be assigned, in writing, as my command IA coordinator, in effort to support myself for an IA assignment that I completed 4 months ago?”<br /><br />“Hmm, well if you want to be in compliance, then technically yes.”<br /><br />So I guess I’m off to NKO to complete the online training course. <br /><br />Non sibi sed patriae.The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-30094700761112838652009-01-26T06:29:00.000-08:002011-01-06T09:45:54.784-08:00Navy Working Uniform<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft 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4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:1; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-format:other; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:0 0 0 0 0 0;} @font-face {font-family:Calibri; panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1073750139 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0in; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">The new Navy Working Uniform (NWU) has been the talk of the town for quite some time in Navy circles.<span style=""> </span>For as happy as most Sailors are to wave goodbye to the idiotic dungarees and the awful wash Khaki uniform (RIP “Johnny Cash”); all are summarily disgusted with the senselessness of the new blue/gray camouflage pattern.<span style=""> </span>The only reasonable explanation I’ve heard for the color scheme is that it will hide paint splatter better than old working uniforms – which seems like a pretty stupid reason to change a uniform.</p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The cover article in the January 2009 edition of Navy Times features Sailors’ “outrage” over the NWU rules; specifically, that like current working uniforms it is not authorized for wear anywhere off base.<span style=""> </span>However, current working uniforms are authorized for routine stops (gas, milk, pick up kids, etc.), where as the NWU rules specifically prohibit such stops until such a time as “the Chief’s mess is confident proper standards of wear are understood and practiced,” A time I am certain will never come.<span style=""> </span>It’s a long article, and it isn’t particularly interesting or essential to the main argument of this post, but the point is that everyone hates this uniform.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">What has not been pointed out yet, at least not in print, is this “Augmentee Exclusive:” This piece of crap looks EXACTLY like the uniform of the Iraqi National Police!
<br /><span style=""> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IiQobVNjomQ/SX3JtH93KPI/AAAAAAAAAR4/6t-HTi2yvUU/s1600-h/nwu.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 325px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IiQobVNjomQ/SX3JtH93KPI/AAAAAAAAAR4/6t-HTi2yvUU/s400/nwu.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5295610513927383282" border="0" /></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">See the conclusive photographic evidence.<span style=""> </span>No word yet on whether or not the creepy mustache is required; if it is, the Iraqi Police costume will be complete.<span style=""> </span>Maybe we should all quit showering and we can start sleeping outside in disgusting little “man-piles” too.<span style=""> </span>If and how this embarrassing little coincidence escaped the attention of whatever pentagon brain child who gave birth to this bastard uniform, I will not ever know.<span style=""> </span>Perhaps we are showing our solidarity with our Iraqi allies by dressing ourselves exactly like the most corrupt and ineffective arm their security forces – that’s good for morale, I look forward to being harassed mercilessly forever by the other services, even the Air Force’s ridiculous “Tiger Stripes” are less goofy than this abomination.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Now don’t be in a hurry to toss out your old Woodland and Desert Camouflage uniform.<span style=""> </span>That uniform is not being retired, but instead is being re-designated as “organizational clothing.”<span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>What does that mean?<span style=""> </span>It means that it is considered clothing issued by Commands in order to do a specific job, same as a flight suit.<span style=""> </span>It would be my guess that most units deployed on the ground in Iraq or Afghanistan will choose to wear the old BDUs, but the uniform you wear is at the mercy of the whims of your unit’s commander – so keep your fingers crossed.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">What does this mean for deploying IAs?<span style=""> </span>This blog is still about IAs right?<span style=""> </span>Well, if you are going to be embedded in an Army or USMC unit, you can expect to wear the Army ACU or USMC digital cammies – so keep your fingers crossed for that.<span style=""> </span>If you go to a Navy or a joint command, I don’t know what to tell you.<span style=""> </span>It’s up to that unit’s commander, and I have no idea if you will be issued NWUs for service in Iraq or Afghanistan.
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Look on the bright side; if you are forced to wear this smurf suit in country, at least you'll be less likely to be "accidentally" shot by an IP, which is actually a legitimate fear, because as alluded too earlier, these guys are a fucking clown-show. I was very nearly run over by a drunk IP in a Suburban while walking across ASR Jackson one time, but that's a story for another day. Maybe he would have made more of an effort to miss me if I was dressed like his cousin. But then again, maybe not.
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">The roll-out has begun; it ends December 2010 so get to your local NEX.<span style=""> </span>Don’t forget your Service Dress Khakis and enlisted Khaki uniform while you’re there, and you better get started on that mustache.</p> The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-49529081116698270602009-01-19T18:37:00.000-08:002011-01-25T06:17:32.749-08:00IA's Coming Out of the WoodworkI recieved this one via the "e-mail the Augmentee" function:<blockquote><br /><br /><p><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">Okay, I'll bite. What are "hand receipts" and why are they so important?</span> </p> <p><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">I'm a reserve O-5, also in the midwest roughly 1000 miles from the nearest significant Navy base, and have been told to expect recall orders to an IA billet sometime later this year. Your blog does seem to be the best source of info about the process that I can find, so for those of us otherwise being kept in the dark -- thank you. And welcome home. (By the way -- I'm a former NSAWC instructor (helo bubba) and loved your description of hell as an NSAWC debrief. Classic.)</span></p></blockquote><p><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"></span></p><br />Well Bubba, we'll call you Bubba for the purposes of this discussion: first, I'd like to thank you for your interest in the blog and for calling our attention to the <a href="http://www.theaugmentee.com/2008/07/d-196-hell-is-in-fallon-nv.html">NSAWC is hell</a> post from July. On the other hand, I'd like to kick you in the nuts on behalf of whatever poor Airwing you put through the misery machine in Fallon as a Bubba. So that's a wash.<br /><br /><br />While all are welcome to send me e-mails - you may find it more fun to leave a comment; it gives all the other idiots a chance to chime in. Also, my loyal fans are dying of boredom since my return to CONUS (at least two original members of the Golden Girls cast are recently deceased), and your comments will give them meaningful occupation.<br /><br /><br />Before answering your question, I would like to once again express my disgust with the fact that a U.S. Navy Commander considers my blog [quote] "the best source of info about the process." My blog is a complete waste of time for an E-5, let alone an O-5, and if this is the best source of info for deploying IAs, someone needs to get their starfish punched.<br /><br /><br />Now, the hand reciept is a "reciept" for property that the Army will make you sign for everthing they give you; from your M-4 to a thumb-drive, you will sign about a bazillion of these over the course of your tour. The important part comes when you turn the items back in. At that time, make sure you get the signature of the person you turn your shit in to - and carry that "reciept" in your "hand" until the fucking end of time. Because when the dipshit to whom you turned in your gas mask realizes that he is somehow missing 38 of them - he will forget that you turned in yours and the U.S. Army will try to dock your pay for the $12,000 antique piece of shit that you never even wanted in the first place. Capiche?<br /><br /><br />Considering that you are an O-5 and a reservist, I would be very surprised if you found yourself embedded in an Army unit. You will probably be relegated to some Joint Thumb in Ass Command in the Green Zone and none of this stuff will apply to you. Tell them about your NSAWC experience and I'm sure someone will handcuff you to a SIPR computor where you can make 130+ slide powerpoint presentations on Soviet era TTP and hide your erection while you view the NSAWC website.The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-52353037771972835612009-01-07T07:28:00.000-08:002009-01-07T07:31:13.959-08:00D+26: Return of the Augmentee<p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><u><span style="color:blue;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/02836339804948162878">seafarer</a></span></u> has left a new comment on your post "<u><span style="color:blue;"><a href="http://www.theaugmentee.com/2008/12/d-0-i-am-leaving-iraq.html">D-0: I am leaving Iraq</a></span></u>":<br /></p><p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><blockquote> ”Congrats on leaving! I'm just headed in that direction to do the same job. I was hoping maybe to get some insights… Sadly, the attitude still seems to be ‘good luck. Let me know how that works out for you.’”<br /><br /></blockquote><o:p></o:p><p></p> <p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">I will comment on Seafarer’s message in a moment. It is great to be home, and thanks to everyone for all your warm wishes, care packages, and participation on The Augmentee blog. It has been fun interacting with family and friends, and a few strangers, through this poorly written, un-focused blathering.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">Aside from the core members of the Augmentee community, most of whom are family and friends, we have picked up the occasional stranger. <span style=""> </span>Most have one thing in common; they are future Navy IA’s looking for some information on the incredibly stressful evolution on which they are about to embark – Alone! Most of them likely stumbled upon us through a series of Google searches containing the words “Individual Augmentee.” This is pretty interesting; considering that Google searching that phrase doesn’t lead here until page 7! In fact, Google blog-searching doesn’t even find me until page 2! And this is a Google hosted blog. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">So, why is that interesting – see the above comment by Seafarer.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">It is interesting, because presumably, our pal seafarer waded through 7 pages of useless Google links, before landing here. More interesting, because like many others before him, he found my idiotic rambling helpful enough that he chose to contact me and seek further guidance! <span style=""> </span>Those of you who have been reading this blog should be able to identify the issue here; this blog has been in large part about; drinking, curse words, understanding Hadj, and the incredibly insane antics of a person dubbed Big K. Reading this garbage should not be considered a “useful” pre-deployment exercise; it should be considered a mildly entertaining diversion… at best.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">Sadly, the opposite is true – and I continue to get e-mails from shipmates who are just looking for a little help, because <u>they can’t find any help anywhere else</u>. And while I am happy to help you all, it is sad that after nearly five years of Navy IAs, the support program is still a shambles. In fact, I had significant issues with both my FITREP and my travel claim on the way out – because there was no help available. I didn’t even know what the right questions to ask were - and all along the way, there was always someone around just a little too late to help, but just in time to say some snide bullshit like “you didn’t print out your summary letter? You know you’re going to need that…”<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">“No, DICK! Obviously I did not know that… since the last time I deployed, I deployed with a whole god-damned ADMIN department; and THEY knew that, so I didn’t have to! So, how am I supposed to have magically learned every nuance of Navy administrative burdens while I have been running around with a rifle in a MOTHER-FUCKING ARMY INFANTRY BATTALION FOR NINE FUCKING MONTHS!”<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <div style="border-style: none none solid; border-color: -moz-use-text-color -moz-use-text-color windowtext; border-width: medium medium 1pt; padding: 0in 0in 1pt;"> <p class="western" style="border-style: none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color -moz-use-text-color rgb(0, 0, 0); border-width: medium; padding: 0in; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="western" style="border-style: none; border-color: -moz-use-text-color -moz-use-text-color rgb(0, 0, 0); border-width: medium; padding: 0in; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">I digress.<o:p></o:p></p> </div> <p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">Now, if you are reading this, and you happen to be a high ranking (O-5/above) military officer, I know what you are thinking. You are saying “well, what have <i>you </i>done to make it better?” Condescension is dripping from each syllable.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">Well, Sir, I am writing this blog, which I know has helped at least 13 people to date. Probably 13 more than the NKO website and the entire ECRC have done combined. So, I guess the question is, what are you doing? I know you have probably never been on an IA (only 3% of sailors have, how many of those do you think are O-5/above?) – and if you have, you probably served in a “Joint” command at the VBC, where you likely had a Navy boss, a nearly all-Navy staff, perhaps with some Air Force and National Guard sprinkled in for good measure. So what have you done?<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">Perhaps, you commissioned the 35 page end of tour survey – and while I really appreciate the opportunity to tell someone that I am “very dissatisfied” with the NKO website, I just wasn’t in the mood to answer all 200 questions, so I just put it back in the envelope and turned it in blank… so I guess I am part of the problem right?<o:p></o:p></p> <div style="border-style: none none solid; border-color: -moz-use-text-color -moz-use-text-color windowtext; border-width: medium medium 1pt; padding: 0in 0in 1pt;"> <p class="western" style="border: medium none ; padding: 0in; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br /></p><p class="western" style="border: medium none ; padding: 0in; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">I suppose I could write a nice, long point paper. But to whom shall I send it? <span style=""> </span>Perhaps to the ECRC, an organization which doesn’t even respond to the e-mails of re-deploying GSAs – personnel for whom they are directly responsible.<span style=""> </span>That doesn’t seem like a good use of my time. Perhaps my Navy umbrella command in theater ought to know my opinion… although, I guess I had my chance to give it to them in my 30 minute “out-brief” that I shared with 13 other people. I’d send it direct to the CNO, or maybe SECNAV, but those guys aren’t taking my calls, so it seems my point paper will go un-read; so, in fact, it will go unwritten.<o:p></o:p></p> </div> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">So, Seafarer, good luck.<span style=""> </span>Let me know how that goes for you.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Don’t pack a lot of crap, don’t buy a bunch of high-speed tactical gear (or you will be dubbed a “gear-queer” by your Army counter parts.<span style=""> </span>Hilarious!), and make sure you have a folder to keep all of your paperwork (ask about “hand receipts” and why they are so important).<span style=""> </span>Get your FITREP/eval and EOT award paperwork in about 3 months before you re-deploy.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Most importantly, just become an Army guy for a little while; don’t try to “fix” them (although they will seem beyond fucked up)... just do things the Army way and don’t be an asshole.<span style=""> </span>It’s just another deployment – no big deal.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-86987362869007767842008-12-04T08:06:00.001-08:002008-12-04T08:06:30.130-08:00D-0: I am leaving IraqThis is the last post from Iraq; I am so excited to leave this place and never come back to it. <br /><br />Unfortunately, I will be stuck in Kuwait for about 6 days, but that is one step closer to home. <br /><br />Can you dig it?The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-83716384919923830322008-11-21T12:58:00.000-08:002008-11-21T13:00:19.679-08:00D-10: Things are Getting Weird<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IiQobVNjomQ/SSchUMBX7mI/AAAAAAAAAQA/ePQlue-w9AY/s1600-h/TaserX26.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 193px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IiQobVNjomQ/SSchUMBX7mI/AAAAAAAAAQA/ePQlue-w9AY/s400/TaserX26.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5271218519568543330" border="0" /></a><br /> <p class="MsoNormal">Anyone who has ever served in the military knows this; bored men are their own worst enemy. <span style=""> </span>With only 10 days left before I begin my journey home, and my duties nearly completely turned over to my relief, I took upon myself to gallantly drive this point home.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">It started with someone telling a tale of a fight they once participated in, in which they learned what it felt like to get punched in the face.<span style=""> </span>Due to the competitive nature of story-telling, the remaining four men in the room took turns telling their stories of pain.<span style=""> </span>I contributed my timeless classic of getting pepper-sprayed machine-gun style by the State College P.D. in Beaver Canyon following the Nittany Lions’ defeat of Miami in 1999.<span style=""> </span>I was counter by my friend Matt, who was twice tasered in the same night by a bouncer at a bar.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">That story trumped us all, and we asked a myriad of question about the physical sensations of being tased.<span style=""> </span>Obviously, one thing led to another, and I realized that I was in an Army infantry battalion and had access to virtually every weapon known to man.<span style=""> </span>No sooner than my friend mentioned that his Platoon Sergeant once allowed his troops to tase him, did that very Sergeant walk in the door.<span style=""> </span>I took this as fate, and without thinking (as is my custom), I asked “Hey, Sergeant P, you wanna tase me?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well, good old Sergeant P didn’t need much convincing; he said “why?” </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>I answered, “Because I want to know what it feels like.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“I’ll go get my gun.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I gathered up an audience and a video camera, and we staged some dirty mattresses and blankets around the front porch.<span style=""> </span>My buddy Nate, like a good buddy ought to, decided that no one should be tased alone, and agreed to join me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I wanted to go first, but as I was showing someone how to operate the camera, he stood in front of the mattresses and declared himself ready.<span style=""> </span>I aimed the camera at him, and Sergeant P raised his weapon, and fired his first shot.<span style=""> </span>Somehow, he missed, and the two barbs sailed over Nate’s shoulder, narrowly missing his neck (which would have been excruciating), and falling just short of hitting a spectator in the leg.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">He reloaded, and his second shot hit Nate square in the back; he screamed and immediately fell backward with his body frozen, hands pinned to his sides, and chin tucked into his chest.<span style=""> </span>Unfortunately, the soft mattress landing zone was in front of him, and he landed on the hard tile with a dull thud, his head just missing the door-jam of the open front door.<span style=""> </span>Gasps of horror and roars of laughter filled the air.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Learning from Nate’s mistake, we re-arranged the mattresses, so that I had a landing pad both in front of me and behind me.<span style=""> </span>With my back to Sergeant P, I stood in the middle; I was terrified.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I heard the loud electric pop of the gun just an instant before pain coursed through my entire body, my vision flashing white.<span style=""> </span>Like Nate, I fell straight back, unlike Nate, I landed on a Mattress.<span style=""> </span>My neck snapped as my head bounced, and Sergeant P shut the gun down and I was instantly relieved.<span style=""> </span>I rolled around in pain, my whole body was sore from the combination of the tasing and the fall, and my back was screaming where the two fishhook-like barbs penetrated – about two inches left of my spine, half way up my back.<span style=""> </span>I rolled over until I was on all fours, laughing and groaning, begging anyone to pull the barbs out.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Nate’s shot hit him right on the spine, which while extremely uncomfortable, at least prevented very deep penetration, allowing the barbs to be pulled out effortlessly.<span style=""> </span>I was less fortunate, my shot landed in the meatiest part of my back, and the barbs buried themselves as deep as they would go.<span style=""> </span>My friends yanked them out without much bedside manner, and I felt the blood trickle down my back as soon as I stood up.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">That all took place about an hour ago, my back still hurts where it was pierced, my neck is a little bit sore, and I have a small headache.<span style=""> </span>But I proved that I am extremely cool, and I have an awesome video to prove it.<span style=""> </span>Totally worth it.</p>The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-61762978080885832052008-11-05T10:49:00.001-08:002008-11-05T10:51:02.369-08:00D-26: A Wedding Story<p class="MsoNormal">The night before my wedding I shared a room with my cousin Matt, who was the best man, in a corner room on the fourth floor of the Radisson Hotel where the reception was going to be.<span style=""> </span>The Radisson is a tall atrium style hotel, in which all the rooms on each floor are arranged in square around a large open space that overlooks the hotels picturesque lobby; so that by standing outside the door of the hotel room, you can lean over the rail and gawk at all the busy people far below and vice versa.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The days leading up to the wedding are a blur of activity, each capped off with an inordinate amount of irresponsible drinking.<span style=""> </span>Thursday was a bachelor party in Atlantic City, followed Friday by the reception dinner and a long night of sitting at the bar with all my family and friends.<span style=""> </span>Saturday was the big day; it began with picture taking, followed by a church wedding, during which my bride was scolded by the priest for the uninterrupted flow of chatter she was delivering while he was trying to conduct the service – a service which included an impromptu tirade against gay marriage, much to the chagrin of my wife’s lesbian bridesmaid – and highlighted by a lovely version of “I like to Move It” being performed (with several encore performances) by our 3 year old flower girl in the front pew.<span style=""><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The reception at the hotel was fantastic; everyone present agreed that it was the most fun wedding of all time.<span style=""> </span>We had a kick-ass band and a ton of people, and my wife and I circuited the tables to greet all of our guests; a seemingly simple pleasantry, which in my mind would only take about five minutes.<span style=""> </span>My timing was off, and it actually took about four hours, leaving my wife and me woefully below the median level of drunkenness in the room.<span style=""> </span>Later in the evening, we would make an aggressive effort to close that gap.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">With the band wrapping up and the bar closed, my Jewish groomsman was given the honor of one last dance with my new sister-in-law, which he gratefully accepted with both hands gripped firmly on her ass, presumably for balance, as neither one was having any luck standing up straight.<span style=""> </span>This “touching” moment (get it?) was thankfully caught on camera by our fantastic videographer, who also captured said sister-in-law losing her bout with gravity, and landing firmly on her ass in the middle of the dance floor.<span style=""> </span>This whole sequence makes for a phenomenal wedding video, but also caused a bit of a stir amongst some of my wife’s Aunts – the confrontation has since been smoothed over, but my poor Jewish friend, feeling terrible about the incident, made a heartfelt, slurring and staggering apology for it.<span style=""> </span>An apology that I still refuse to accept because I don’t find anything inappropriate about his behavior, as drunken groping was as much a part of that particular wedding as cake and rings.<span style=""> </span>The tales of gossip and scandal that took place in the Radisson Hotel that evening continue to be shared and embellished.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I retreated up to the bridal suite with my new bride, where we relaxed, changed clothes, congratulated ourselves on how wonderful everything had been and enjoyed each other’s company.<span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>I thumbed at my finger to evaluate the strange sensation of wearing a ring, only to realize that it wasn’t there<a style="" href="#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style=""><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>.<span style=""> </span>I panicked for a brief moment, and then decided to come clean.<span style=""> </span>I informed my lovely wife that I had lost my sacred wedding ring just a few hours after I had received it.<span style=""> </span>In my defense, I was never properly fitted for the ring, having been at sea or at a training exercise in Fallon, NV for the months leading up to the wedding, leaving me with a ring that was several sizes too big.<span style=""> </span>I was a bit surprised that she was not even a little upset about it, and simply laughed and remarked about how quickly I had fucked that up.<span style=""> </span>We ran into Best Man Matt and informed him of the problem, and he vowed to find the ring.<span style=""> </span>My cousin is the type to make solemn vows when drunk, so I decided to leave him to it and head to the bar.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Upon returning to the hotel bar, our guests sensed our relative sobriety, and everyone rushed us drinks.<span style=""> </span>We drank plenty and enjoyed the company of all our family and friends.<span style=""> </span>That is when we realized that it is likely that you will never again have a chance to gather all of your friends from all stages of your life, your family, and your new family in-law all together for one big party.<span style=""> </span>Your wedding is a very special party, and we do not regret taking full advantage of it, despite the way the night ultimately ends for me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">The good times were rolling, people were pairing up and disappearing together, and my wife and I, both very titillated by gossip, were enjoying watching some of the very surprising match-ups wander off.<span style=""> </span>Another interesting dynamic, was watching our families interact, as they had previously resided each in their own separate universe, with the two of us being the only link.<span style=""> </span>At one point, my brother marched up to me, either annoyed, amused or drunk or some combination thereof, and exclaimed “that woman just bit me!,” in the tone of a seven year old tattle-tale, pointing accusingly at one of my wife’s aunts, who I know to be capable of such action.<span style=""> </span>I was not shocked, having been privy to the drunken antics of these women for over 6 year, so I just shrugged and replied “their fucking crazy, what do you me to do?”<span style=""> </span>He rubbed his face and just mumbled “she bit me…” trailing off a bit at the end and shaking his head in bewilderment.<span style=""> </span>I have no idea why she would bite him, but I believe he was telling the truth.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Matt rolled in with my ring, for which he scoured the entire ballroom floor and somehow recovered.<span style=""> </span>He proclaimed himself the greatest Best Man of all time, and promptly got on with his partying.<span style=""> </span>He had no idea just how much he would eventually have to prove whether or not he deserved that moniker.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">After the bar closed we continued the party in the big open cocktail lounge area of the bridal suite, and drank until there was not a single drop of liquor to be found, at which point everyone’s enthusiasm faded and the party finally broke up.<span style=""> </span>My wife and I, utterly exhausted from the week long excitement, collapsed in our bed.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Having stayed in a different room the previous night, I was unfamiliar with the floor-plan of this particular room.<span style=""> </span>I would later learn that the two rooms, situated on opposite corners of a square hotel, were actually mirror images of each other; I would learn this, by hearing the door latch behind me in the middle of the night, and snapping out of my drunken stupor to find that I was not in the hotel bathroom as I had been my intent, but was instead locked outside the room in the hotel hallway – I was also completely naked!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">I became instantly sober and started banging on the hotel door in an all-out panic.<span style=""> </span>I banged as hard as I could, I even kicked a little, but my wife was sleeping off the stress of months of wedding planning and hours of heavy drinking, and would not wake up.<span style=""> </span>The woman in the next room however, not having been newly married or drinking heavily, did wake up, and opened the door just a crack – enough to see me, naked as the day I was born, heaving my hairy body against the door of the bridal suite.<span style=""> </span>I ceased all motion, and tried not to make eye contact, as if that would prevent her from noticing a 190 pound naked man standing three feet away in a well lit hallway.<span style=""> </span>Unfortunately, that trick only works on Predator, and she closed the door without so much as throwing me a towel or a newspaper to cover myself up.<span style=""> </span>I cursed her silently, but quickly forgave her, as I realized that she and I had not been properly introduced as neighbors, and to her I was just a naked man in the hotel hallway at 4:00AM.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">At this point I was really stuck; I could no longer bang on the door, and my neighbor was likely calling security – also, I had not yet tackled the issue of my being naked.<span style=""> </span>Suddenly terrified, I ran for the stairwell. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">There was only one guest whose room I knew I could find – Cousin Matt.<span style=""> </span>Unfortunately, his room was on the opposite corner and two flights down.<span style=""> </span>The stairs were no problem, as I was already there, but the hallways were an imposing obstacle.<span style=""> </span>I would have to cover a distance of two full hallways to get there, each hallway entirely exposed to the whole of the Radisson hotel.<span style=""> </span>I mentally scrolled through my options, and realizing that I only had one, I had no choice but to go for it.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">I ran down the two flights of stairs and poked my head out into the hall.<span style=""> </span>All clear.<span style=""> </span>Good.<span style=""> </span>Now it was decision making time again, I could cover my most sensitive parts with my hands, but that would severely slow my progress, or I could make a run for it!<span style=""> </span>I settled on the latter, cleared the hall one last time, and took off at a sprint.<span style=""> </span>My junk bounced painfully around as I ran, and I nearly broke my neck taking the right turn at the corner.<span style=""> </span>I wanted to take a look around, to see if anyone was watching, but was ashamed and afraid I would make eye contact with someone, so I focused on the prize.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">I got to my cousin’s door and banged as hard as I could.<span style=""> </span>It took a moment, but I heard him start to rustle around and mutter a short “what the fuck?”<span style=""> </span>He turned the knob, but only got the door opened an inch before I practically kicked it down and ran into the room – “I need some pants!” were the only words I got out before I heard a mousy little “Hi Augmentee” come from the bed.<span style=""> </span>I had not thought about this, but my cousin was not alone.<span style=""> </span>Good for him, too bad for me, but I’m sure it wouldn’t have made any difference if I had known, as I was a desperate man.<span style=""> </span>I threw on my suit pants from the previous evening, and sat down by the phone to call my wife.<span style=""> </span>I called – no answer.<span style=""> </span>Again – no answer. And again, and again, and again – still, no answer.<span style=""> </span>I called another 10 million times, and although my wife’s head was only about six inches from the ringing phone, she did not wake up.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">I threw on the jacket and walked shamefully down to the front desk.<span style=""> </span>I approached wearing a suit, without a shirt or shoes, and informed them that I was the groom, and that I needed a key to the bridal suite.<span style=""> </span>The woman behind the desk looked me over, and handed me a new key, no questions asked – I suppose this kind of thing happens all the time.</p> <div style=""><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><br /> <hr align="left" size="1" width="33%"> <!--[endif]--> <div style="" id="ftn1"> <p class="MsoFootnoteText"><a style="" href="#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style=""><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> The chronology of the lost ring incident is blurred in my memory; I decided to insert it here for the sake of the narrative, and come clean in the footnotes for the sake of the stories integrity.<span style=""> </span></p> </div> </div>The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-66068783579115398422008-11-04T12:28:00.001-08:002008-11-04T12:28:55.722-08:00D-27!Yes, you've read that correctly. Today is D-27; destroying Bowl's dream's of posting "pttttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhh" on D-69! <br /><br />I have received early parole. I am super excited to get out of here, but there are much preparations to be made, leaving me with little time; however, I have been working extra hard on something special for you all. I expect it's release on D-26 or D-25.<br /><br />Let's go State!The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-70288730888179732052008-10-22T11:53:00.001-07:002008-10-22T11:53:45.780-07:00D-99!D-99; that has a nice ring to it doesn’t it? D-99; it just rolls of the tongue. I like 99; I like it because it’s symmetrical, and symmetry has always appealed to me. I like it because it resembles 69; and that makes me laugh. But mostly, I like it because it’s less than 100. <br />I got an e-mail from a reader recently, who is at Fort McCoy getting ready to start his IA, and he told me that my relief has been identified, and will be in theater no later than November. This rumor was confirmed by my boss. This is very, very good news. First, it means that there is no plan in place for me to perform any in-theater moves, making cryptic “McLovin’” even more of a douche than originally suspected. Second, November is not far away, and the chance exists, and in fact is being talked about at high levels, of sending one Mr. Augmentee home a little early! Christmas is a long shot, but perhaps I’ll be home in time to watch a Penn State National Championship Game? Hmmm? Maybe blow my savings on a trip to Miami to see it? Who knows. <br />So, everything is gravy. Plus, I returned to the FOB today; deciding that the conditions at the COP were not dignified enough for a man of my stature, I caught the first train out of there and came back here to change out the old underpants. All things told, a pretty good day.<br />The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-37997901207120544212008-10-20T06:44:00.001-07:002008-10-20T06:44:02.996-07:00D-101: Flies and UnderpantsSurprisingly enough, the small outpost that I am visiting right now has the fastest internet connection of any that I have encountered in theater. With it being so convenient, I thought I'd drop in and let everyone know how I'm doing.<br /><br />Life out here, while void of some of the more lavish "creature comforts" of the FOB, is actually pretty enjoyable in it's hassle-free simplicity. There are no meetings, aside from a few taking place on the FOB which I am required to teleconference in to, leaving my schedule wide open to engage in my many leisurely pursuits. These consisted mainly of football watching during the weekend, but there was also ample time to watch Platoon and read about 300 pages worth of Zinn's A People's History of the United States. There is a tent with workout equipment, and I can run around the perimeter (9 laps = 1 mile). The shower facilities didn't work for the first few days, but are now back online, and a line of very stinky porta-johns serve as toilets, and double as a breeding ground for a race of super-flies that are unmatched in speed or tenacity by any fly I have here-to-fore encountered in my lifetime. <br /><br />The flies are everywhere on the tiny COP, but are highly concentrated in the bathroom area, where they torment and frustrate you to the point of tears while you try to brush your teeth. Ten or twelve will position themselves on various parts of your body, and will respond to being brushed off by simply flying a short loop and returning immediately to their original position. Their entire route never takes them more than two inches away from your body, and provides absolutely no relief. Invariably, one or two will choose to take residence on your head or face, and when brushed off, they fly directly through your field of vision before returning, just to let you know that they are still there, and that they will not be leaving any time soon. Your only defense is to continuously pace the length of the bathroom while you brush (an option unavailable while shaving), constantly shaking and kicking your legs and arms around like Michael J. Fox in a vain effort to shake off flies.<br /><br />Their is rarely a fruit or vegetable to be found, so the meals consist of a meat and a starch, and of course their is always plenty of cookies, muffins, and other assorted crap lying around - so the food is nutritionally terrible but on the whole it tastes okay. All in all, I have no complaints; in fact, I rather like it here.<br /><br />When I first arrived at my Non-Air Conditioned tent, I was a little grumpy about the disparaging accommodations, and once again wondered if the Army was ever made aware of what a "High Valued Asset" that I am. I unpacked my sea-bag, and arranged my items in neat little piles on the floor under my bed, and to my horror, realized that I forgot to pack underpants! I was riddled with anxiety when I thought of spending 10 days without underpants AND without air conditioning. The sum of which is far worse than either part taken individually. <br /><br />The only solution I could manage was this; I would take my underpants into the shower and thoroughly rinse and ring them out, then hang them on a bed post to dry out. I considered perhaps using shampoo to supplement the cleansing process, which would certainly improve the scent, but I worried that this might lead to some uncomfortable itchiness should I fail to rinse it out completely enough so ultimately settled against it. This system allows me to wear them on alternating days, and go commando on the between days. This is day five of the cycle, making today an "underpants day," and I have realized that going without undies is not nearly as catastrophic as I had originally made out. It feels good to be free of this unnatural dependence on underpants - I am not advocating this as a lifestyle choice, and by no means to I intend to boycott underwear altogether, I just simply am not reliant on it anymore.<br /><br />Underwear is a crutch. Hooah.The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-78782860059875882462008-10-16T14:06:00.000-07:002008-10-16T14:08:30.503-07:00D-105: Blog Silence = 10 DaysI may be off the web for about 10 days, so I’ll see you all when I get back. Please feel free to clutter the blog with idiotic comments. I deleted the last post for privacy reasons; I wanted to leave it up for a few days to give old “McLovin” a chance to prove that he actually has some information and isn’t just some moron who happens to have seen the movie Superbad. Congratulations jerk! Everyone in my chain of command assures me that his comment was bullshit anyway, and that there is no plan in place to move me. Sadly, I trust the anonymous movie quoting blog commenter more than I do them.<br /><br /><br />Once a month or so, I receive an e-mail from someone who happened upon the blog, thanking me for giving them some insight as to what their upcoming IA deployment will be like. While I’m happy that people are enjoying it, it is kind of depressing that Sailors are forced to turn to the world of ego-bloggers to get any information on what their upcoming deployment will be like. I think that shows that although the Navy has been in the IA business for about five years, they aren’t getting any better at it.<br /><br /><br />While I was home on leave, I spoke with my CO, and he asked me some specific questions about the IA because he was hosting some muckity-muck from the CNOs office that happened to have a heavy hand in IA tasking. Listing my grievances, I realized that the most stressful part of this whole deployment so far was the disorganization of the Navy on the front end. It seems the Navy pre-deployment support policy is still “Good luck, let us know how it goes!” That’s disappointing. <br /><br /><br />More disappointing still, AFN will not be airing the Penn State game this week. I understand that Michigan is having a pretty shitty year, but ask anyone who went to PSU how big this game is. If Penn State doesn’t win this week, I am likely to have a breakdown of Brittany-esque magnitude. It’s for the harvest – you know what I mean? Let’s Go State!<br /> <div style="border-style: none none solid; border-color: -moz-use-text-color -moz-use-text-color windowtext; border-width: medium medium 1pt; padding: 0in 0in 1pt;"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none ; padding: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> </div> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">MAJ X: You’re boss is really starting to piss me off.<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">Augmentee:<span style=""> </span>You’re my boss sir, that doesn’t make sense.<o:p></o:p></i></p>The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-20519958304770153992008-10-13T11:50:00.000-07:002008-10-13T11:51:59.123-07:00D-108: Navy Birthday<p class="MsoNormal">I have two bosses.<span style=""> </span>In fact, I have two entirely separate chains of command; one Navy, one Army.<span style=""> </span>The Army chain, most immediately led by the venerable Major X, has been the most influential thus far – they write my FITREP and my tour award but most importantly, they rule by proximity; I sleep here, work here and eat here.<span style=""> </span>They are the proverbial “alligator closest to the canoe,” or more aptly “hands closest to my throat.”<span style=""> </span>The Navy chain of command has thus far been of very little help or usefulness, the only thing they could provide would be to step in on my behalf, should I choose to tattle-tale on Major X for some perceived mistreatment – but one need look no further than my previous blogs (or previous sentence) to uncover ample reasons why tattling on the X-Man is not an attractive option.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Recently however, the balance of power has shifted slightly, in what seems to be no more than a petty inter-service rivalry that pits yours-truly in the middle of opposing forces of evil and evil.<span style=""> </span>The one thing that the Navy side of the house has ultimate control over is my “tasking.”<span style=""> </span>Meaning, they have the power to yank me from this unit at any moment and assign me to another one, or worse, assign me to Headquarters where I can valorously finish my deployment making coffee and powerpoint presentations, in the end, making me wish I had ate the Hadj food and subsequently shit myself to death.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">The cause of this sudden tumult of my otherwise peaceful (relatively speaking of course) existence is not entirely understood by me or any of my immediate supervisors, but the gist is as follows:</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">NAVY:<span style=""> </span>We told you to prepare for the departure of your EWO, and you failed to so.<span style=""> </span>So, prepare for the departure of your EWO.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">ARMY:<span style=""> </span>Why should we prepare for the EWO’s departure, when the EWO is still here?<span style=""> </span>Is the EWO, in fact, departing?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">NAVY:<span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>I am not at liberty to say, but you must make preparations.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">This exact flavor of bickering pops up every two months or so, in which the Navy proclaims that they are getting out of the EWO business, and that the Army needs to settle its affairs.<span style=""> </span>The Navy seems to have put very little thought into when it is actually retiring from the EWO game, or in what manner it will employ the individuals currently serving as EWO - although, it should be noted, they specifically stated that we would not be getting sent home.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">So with the dream of being home for Christmas preemptively shattered, the alternatives to this FOB, where I have made many friends, have my own room, and have fine-tuned my program to a such a degree that maintaining it requires minimum effort (and maximum Battlestar Galactica time), do not seem appealing.<span style=""> </span>I can go to another unit, make new friends, inherit a potentially much fucked up program, and roll the bones on accommodations; or I can be relegated to the horrible world that is the Victory Base Complex, where I can see to the aforementioned coffee.<span style=""> </span>So as guilty as I feel by saying it, especially today, on the 233<sup>rd</sup> birthday of the noble sea-going service, I am on team Army on this one – and will do all in my power (which is not much) to keep from being relocated.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">My personal preferences aside, no one can seem to offer any rational explanation on why I would be pulled from a unit, so close to the end of their deployment and mine, other than “well, we told them to prepare.”</p> <div style="border-style: none none solid; border-color: -moz-use-text-color -moz-use-text-color windowtext; border-width: medium medium 1pt; padding: 0in 0in 1pt;"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none ; padding: 0in;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none ; padding: 0in;">It seems to me that the best thing for this Battalion (obviously), is that I stay – I am the morale officer for Christ’s sake!<span style=""> </span>Therefore, the best thing for the war effort is for me to stay.<span style=""> </span><i style="">There-fooooooore</i>, it is my duty as a patriot and as an officer to sabotage any attempt to remove me from my post.<span style=""> </span>God Bless America – and happy birthday Navy!</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none ; padding: 0in;"><br /></p> </div> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">Quote of the Day:<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">MAJ X:<span style=""> </span>I don’t give a fuck what his hair looks like, he’s in the Navy.<o:p></o:p></i></p>The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-40029708712281419522008-10-09T11:02:00.001-07:002008-10-09T11:03:35.330-07:00D-112: Augmentee, Don't Eat That.<p class="MsoNormal">Yesterday, in honor of the end of Ramadan, the XO ordered some kind of feast of local fair, presumably in some sort of display of “cultural sensitivity.”<span style=""> </span>The thing was catered by some Hadj company that one of the Hadji shop owners found, and it looked very suspect from the get-go.<span style=""> </span>It consisted of various parts of a goat’s body still attached to shards of bone that looked like they were smashed apart with a sledge hammer rather than cut with any kind of blade, sitting atop a giant plate of rice-a-roni, accompanied of course by pita bread and several dishes of green, brown, and yellow mashed up baby vomit to dip the bread in.<span style=""> </span>As you could have probably guessed, the whole thing smelled like “Sex Panther.”</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Having learned this lesson the hard way back in June, when some local goat filled hot-pocket liquefied my intestines and had me running to the toilet for three days, I bolted from the building the second this meal was brought through the door.<span style=""> </span>Had I stayed behind, I would have had Iraqi’s begging me to eat for three hours; “You’re not going to eat?” Why don’t you eat?” “Won’t you try it?”<span style=""> </span>If they only knew how much they had in common with Jewish mothers, I think the Mid-East crisis would have been over decades ago.<span style=""> </span>Maybe we should just have the Israelis and Palestinians sit down and guilt each other into eating Matzo balls and Goat Kebobs for a few hours and see what happens.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">They would all have their feeling generally hurt when I offered my series of excuses for not eating; “No thanks, I just ate yesterday.”<span style=""> </span>“It’s against my religion to eat goat.”<span style=""> </span>Likewise, the truth would hurt their feelings even more; “you’re un-clean food makes my asshole explode.”<span style=""> </span>Then all the Army guys with the iron stomachs would call me a pussy and shake their heads in disapproval.</p> <div color="-moz-use-text-color -moz-use-text-color windowtext" style="border-style: none none solid; padding: 0in 0in 1pt;"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none ; padding: 0in;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none ; padding: 0in;">Today, the bathroom was jam packed with soldiers paying the price for their cultural awareness.<span style=""> </span>Looks like I win again.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none ; padding: 0in;"><br /></p> </div> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">Quote of the Day:<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">MAJ X: “Every two weeks we all devour a giant bowl of stupid soup!”<o:p></o:p></i></p>The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133503739675282589.post-6208455595004417282008-10-08T12:25:00.000-07:002008-10-08T12:27:53.266-07:00D-113: Easing back into it.<p class="MsoNormal">I’m definitely back in Iraq; things really got into full swing today, and it all of the sudden feels like I never left.<span style=""> </span>I was so relaxed and refreshed after my Puerto Rican vacation, but 24 hours worth of Army bullshit later and I’m more tense than a wigwam and a teepee (sorry, couldn’t resist).<span style=""> </span>The latest is that they may move me to a different unit; which will be really nice, getting to pack up all the shit that I’ve accumulated and start over making new friends and learning a new job.<span style=""> </span>I don’t want to go; I am comfortable with the status quo.<span style=""> </span>I can’t even call this Army bullshit, as it is just as much the Navy’s fault as the Army, and I am just a pawn in this game.<span style=""> </span>Dust in the wind dude… dust in the wind.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well, I’m not interested in talking about my vacation.<span style=""> </span>The trip back here took 6 days and was hellish; I occupied my time with NCAA ’09 on PSP and Ambien plus a bed so I could sleep away the horror that is Kuwait.<span style=""> </span>The only positive of the journey was that I was actually looking forward to getting back to my base because I hated it so much.<span style=""> </span>When I finally arrived here the electricity was out, and while the team of 125 Pakistanis tried to fix it by digging holes and climbing ladders and otherwise acting like they were in a Benny Hill episode, we treated it as a snow day and found a place with power to play Call of Duty IV all day.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Yesterday I started getting caught up on all the work that I left behind, and today I found out about the possibility of moving and spent the better part of the day whining about it and pouting; “No Fair.”<span style=""> </span>Just sitting in my room and looking around at all the shit I have everywhere between things I brought, things I bought, and things that were sent to me in generous care packages, I am having a little anxiety attack.<span style=""> </span>I will have to end up just giving all this stuff away.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’m not sure if anyone still looks at the blog, considering how I have posted almost nothing for over a month.<span style=""> </span>The truth is, I have very little to say these days.<span style=""> </span>Iraq is Groundhog Day – it is beating the funny out of me.</p> Important Note: I adjusted the D-Number to reflect how many days until I am released from theater - that number is more important to me because life is easy-breezy from there. Also, that number is smaller.The Augmenteehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05015817853238617429noreply@blogger.com7